Separation Support Blog

How do we choose our partners?

Charlotte Lingard - Monday, January 23, 2017

Evidence demonstrates that we choose our partners for a plethora of reasons...here are just 3 examples….

 

Sexual Attraction

Sex can be referred to as the “glue” in a marriage or partnership.   Experts tell us sexual attraction is important in healthy, happy, sexual couples.  Sometimes it is referred to as the chemistry between two people. Without sex in an emotional or sexual affair, it is more akin to a brother/sister relationship.

 

Opposites Attract

Dr. James Fallon, a world leading neuroscientist from Cambridge University, believes that if a person, either boy or  girl, comes from a very abusive family, the  result of this  up-bringing, can make this family member both vulnerable and very meek.  As a further consequence, this  family member will in all probability choose a partner who is strong, tough and protective, the exact opposite characteristics of themselves.   Just an illustrative example, as clearly opposites do attract for a large amount of different reasons.

 

Family Background

There is overwhelming evidence that we choose our partners based on similarities in our family backgrounds!  A study in 1973 involved a group of therapists who had never met before.  These complete strangers were put in a room together and asked to pair up with someone to form a  couple.  The first choice criteria were  the person they pair up with must remind them of someone within their own family. The second choice criteria were that they believed this person would fill a void in their own existing family.  They were NOT allowed to speak with each other, but merely choose a person through non-verbal communication.  Once they had chosen a partner  and become a pair, they were then asked to repeat the process and pair up with another couple, hence becoming a foursome. They were then asked as a foursome to discuss their individual family backgrounds.

The outcome of this study showed that people choose a partner based on similarities in their upbringings.  The foursomes in this 1973 study had similarities in their backgrounds such as; -

 

• Difficulty sharing affection

• Near-incestuous relationships

• Over optimistic parenting

• Absent father in key periods

 

The argument could be put forward that it may be coincidental and a fluke that these people paired up together.  However, further evidence shows that a proportion of the persons in the group who did not easily pair up, (“remainders”) were all socially reserved.   It further revealed in subsequent conversation that these remainders all had similar backgrounds, such as having been adopted, fostered or brought up in care homes.  In addition, these remainders had similarly felt rejected in early childhood.

To sum up we all fundamentally choose our partners through conscious decisions such as social class, religion, finance, good looks and shared interests.  In combination with the other factors in our choice of partner is our unconscious rationale such as the “chemistry” between two people, similarity in family backgrounds and behavioural characteristics.  Both the conscious and the unconscious decision-making process are inextricably interlinked and not mutually exclusive.

 

Choose well any future partner with both awareness, understanding and care!

Share this post

Comments
Stephania Ewers commented on 17-Oct-2018 02:59 PM
So how does Google determine which pages to return in response to what people search for? How do you get all of this valuable traffic to your site?
speed test checker commented on 20-Oct-2018 01:00 PM
Usually I don't read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do it!
Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very nice post.
Ryan Birley commented on 25-Oct-2018 09:22 AM
Step 3 Get your on-page optimisation right
v2 irons clubs commented on 27-Oct-2018 06:28 AM
It sounds like there loads of new articles directories popping up every day.
What is a Google slap, and very best avoid Google slap?
Not all pages on your website have same page
authority. https://3starmala.yolasite.com/3starmala.php
free accounting software small business commented on 28-Oct-2018 09:44 AM
So, additional efforts have to be undertaken to develop the visiting page of your
website. By using the data from Google Adwords,
SEO company London experts can match keywords that they want to target and are specific.
While it may take a little while for changes in design culture
to filter out into the more remote regions of the UK, London because of its
position as the capital city gets to see new concepts first, thanks to
a plethora of exhibitions and shows dedicated
to web design.
Jamey Bautz commented on 01-Nov-2018 07:13 AM
Avoid doing big reveals of your work. One of the goals of communicating often with the client is to avoid surprises when revealing your work. The times when I’ve presented my progress, I’ve found it more useful to take them on a journey and show where I started from, the considerations I had while navigating this or that challenge and where I finally landed, instead of just showing the end of the journey with no context.
Incest porn commented on 04-Nov-2018 08:11 AM
Thanks for sharing..
Sauertopf commented on 06-Nov-2018 10:24 AM
Hello there, I discovered your blog via Google while looking for a similar topic, your site got here up, it looks good.
I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hi there, simply become aware of your weblog via Google, and located that it's truly informative.

I am gonna be careful for brussels. I will appreciate if you proceed
this in future. Lots of other folks will probably be benefited from your writing.

Cheers!
where to get a giffgaff sim commented on 08-Nov-2018 08:53 PM
Often, this is because the card itself isn't
seated properly or perhaps the card is corrupted.
Make sure you are firm in pushing the card
back in, but aren't forcing it into the slot.
Gsm sim cards have brought a revolutionary change in the
field of communication.
Betsey Wandel commented on 10-Nov-2018 09:47 PM
Once you get over the "paying for it" barrier, you'll realize that it's really a bargain. What you get is good sex with a woman who generally is a lot better at it than the average "civilian" woman, without the cost and complications of free sex. These women have been with a lot of men and they know things about sex that you can learn.
Activate Giffgaff commented on 11-Nov-2018 10:35 AM
Powerball software can have a big price, for some
this would be even too pricey. 99 (or little more at times), this amount depends on the featured prize.
Many types of sim cards are introduced in the market including gsm
sim cards, global roaming sim cards etc.
pedo videos commented on 11-Nov-2018 06:57 PM
Hi! I've been reading your site for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a
shout out from Humble Tx! Just wanted to mention keep up the good work!
little girl fuck commented on 11-Nov-2018 07:26 PM
Having read this I thought it was very informative. I appreciate
you spending some time and energy to put this content together.
I once again find myself spending a lot of time both reading and leaving
comments. But so what, it was still worth it!

Post a Comment




Captcha Image

Trackback Link
http://www.separationsupport.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?BlogID=11221&PostID=635298&A=Trackback
Trackbacks
Post has no trackbacks.

About Separation Support

Our Details

Quick Links

Separation Support Guide

Separation Support is a free to access independent web portal for people going through separation (separators).  Our aim is providing “separators” with necessary support and information which is unbiased to help you consider all the implications that may arise from your separation.  You may need to consider legal, financial and emotional matters.  We can signpost you to the correct expert in their chosen field.

1 Hardman Boulevard

Spinningfields

Manchester

M3 3AQ

 

charlotte@separationhelp.co.uk

Entrepreneurial Spark Logo powered by Natwest

We're so glad you found us. You'll find lots of free help and advice on dealing with separation in our guide.

©Copyright Separation Support Ltd/ Separation Help CIC UK - All Rights Reserved.

Terms & Conditions.  Cookie and Privacy Policies.