Separation Support Blog

How do we choose our partners?

Charlotte Lingard - Monday, January 23, 2017

Evidence demonstrates that we choose our partners for a plethora of reasons...here are just 3 examples….

 

Sexual Attraction

Sex can be referred to as the “glue” in a marriage or partnership.   Experts tell us sexual attraction is important in healthy, happy, sexual couples.  Sometimes it is referred to as the chemistry between two people. Without sex in an emotional or sexual affair, it is more akin to a brother/sister relationship.

 

Opposites Attract

Dr. James Fallon, a world leading neuroscientist from Cambridge University, believes that if a person, either boy or  girl, comes from a very abusive family, the  result of this  up-bringing, can make this family member both vulnerable and very meek.  As a further consequence, this  family member will in all probability choose a partner who is strong, tough and protective, the exact opposite characteristics of themselves.   Just an illustrative example, as clearly opposites do attract for a large amount of different reasons.

 

Family Background

There is overwhelming evidence that we choose our partners based on similarities in our family backgrounds!  A study in 1973 involved a group of therapists who had never met before.  These complete strangers were put in a room together and asked to pair up with someone to form a  couple.  The first choice criteria were  the person they pair up with must remind them of someone within their own family. The second choice criteria were that they believed this person would fill a void in their own existing family.  They were NOT allowed to speak with each other, but merely choose a person through non-verbal communication.  Once they had chosen a partner  and become a pair, they were then asked to repeat the process and pair up with another couple, hence becoming a foursome. They were then asked as a foursome to discuss their individual family backgrounds.

The outcome of this study showed that people choose a partner based on similarities in their upbringings.  The foursomes in this 1973 study had similarities in their backgrounds such as; -

 

• Difficulty sharing affection

• Near-incestuous relationships

• Over optimistic parenting

• Absent father in key periods

 

The argument could be put forward that it may be coincidental and a fluke that these people paired up together.  However, further evidence shows that a proportion of the persons in the group who did not easily pair up, (“remainders”) were all socially reserved.   It further revealed in subsequent conversation that these remainders all had similar backgrounds, such as having been adopted, fostered or brought up in care homes.  In addition, these remainders had similarly felt rejected in early childhood.

To sum up we all fundamentally choose our partners through conscious decisions such as social class, religion, finance, good looks and shared interests.  In combination with the other factors in our choice of partner is our unconscious rationale such as the “chemistry” between two people, similarity in family backgrounds and behavioural characteristics.  Both the conscious and the unconscious decision-making process are inextricably interlinked and not mutually exclusive.

 

Choose well any future partner with both awareness, understanding and care!

Share this post

Comments
PhoneTuts commented on 26-Aug-2018 08:09 AM
Wow ! Thats worth a read. Thanks for writing it for us! Much appreciated
reverse phone commented on 28-Aug-2018 01:57 AM
Truly no matter if someone doesn't know after that its up to other people that they
will help, so here it takes place.
Software commented on 28-Aug-2018 06:18 AM
Thanks for Sharing
cash for cars commented on 31-Aug-2018 08:41 AM
I wanted sex compose you one very small note in order to give many thanks yet again with the splendid things you've documented here. It was so seriously open-handed of you to provide extensively what exactly numerous people might have marketed as an electronic book in making some bucks for themselves, most notably now that you might well have done it if you considered necessary. These tricks in addition served like a easy way to be aware that other people have the same dream really like mine to understand a great deal more with respect to this problem. I am sure there are some more pleasant situations in the future for individuals that look over your blog.
cash for cars commented on 31-Aug-2018 09:22 AM
naturally like your web-site but you need to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very bothersome to inform the reality then again I will definitely come again again.
cash for cars commented on 31-Aug-2018 10:29 AM
I dugg some of you post as I thought they were very helpful very useful
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:07 AM
I've been browsing online more than three hours these days, but I never discovered any interesting article like yours. It's pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content material as you probably did, the net will likely be a lot more useful than ever before. "Learn sex see in another's calamity the ills which you should avoid." by Publilius Syrus.
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:11 AM
Keep up the fantastic work , I read few posts on this website and I believe that your blog is rattling interesting and holds sets of good info .
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:21 AM
We're a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your site provided us with valuable information sex work on. You've done an impressive job and our whole community will be grateful sex you.
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:31 AM
I view something truly special in this website.
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:36 AM
Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced sex more added agreeable from you! However, how could we communicate?
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:37 AM
Hello, you used sex write magnificent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 06:52 AM
Great – I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related information ended up being truly easy sex do sex access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual. Is likely sex appreciate it for those who add forums or something, web site theme . a tones way for your customer sex communicate. Nice task.
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 07:25 AM
Usually I do not learn article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, very nice article.
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 07:26 AM
Hello, you used sex write great, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your super writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 11:20 AM
I have recently started a website, the information you provide on this website has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 12:04 PM
I have not checked in here for some time as I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I will add you back sex my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend :)
cash for cars commented on 01-Sep-2018 01:32 PM
Simply a smiling visitor here sex share the love (:, btw great style and design. "Justice is always violent sex the party offending, for every man is innocent in his own eyes." by Daniel Defoe.
online software company commented on 08-Sep-2018 11:30 AM
You will draw more loyal readers to your site and keep your readers coming back because you are sharing the best with them.
Furthermore, a keyword should never feel like it is forced awkwardly to fit into
content. You need to check that they are qualified accountants as many will not be.
Brad McAllister commented on 08-Sep-2018 06:17 PM
I am in fact pleased to read this website posts which
includes lots of valuable data, thanks for providing these
kinds of information.
Activate giffgaff Sim free commented on 09-Sep-2018 10:31 PM
Then, there's the fact that web presence is virtually free, there's no need to lay out for a lot of running costs, this means that prices come down, and you can attract more people.

Do you want a phone that has special aps which will do various things.
Gsm sim cards have brought a revolutionary change in the field of communication.
SME System commented on 14-Sep-2018 07:00 AM
This gives a website web presence and it gives you a major advantage over your competition. There is absolutely no point in finding
one of the great London Accountants only to find that they
are actually too far away from your place of business
to be accessible. Whether you promote yourself as a solo or business brand (< learn 10 ways to improve your SEO with Google+) Google+ is now a necessity.
Steve commented on 14-Sep-2018 09:05 AM
I treasure the details on your internet site. Thanks a ton.

Feel free to surf to my websiteaffiliate programs available
learn to watch epl live online commented on 17-Sep-2018 04:20 PM
Excellent thing you did there
SME System commented on 19-Sep-2018 08:53 AM
Some SEO companies may only offer basic professional SEO services.

Typically, it's good practice to maintain about a 5% usage for your
keywords or phrases. While it may take a little while for changes in design culture to filter out
into the more remote regions of the UK, London because of its position as the capital city
gets to see new concepts first, thanks to a plethora of exhibitions
and shows dedicated to web design.

Post a Comment




Captcha Image

Trackback Link
http://www.separationsupport.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?BlogID=11221&PostID=635298&A=Trackback
Trackbacks
Post has no trackbacks.

About Separation Support

Our Details

Quick Links

Separation Support Guide

Separation Support is a free to access independent web portal for people going through separation (separators).  Our aim is providing “separators” with necessary support and information which is unbiased to help you consider all the implications that may arise from your separation.  You may need to consider legal, financial and emotional matters.  We can signpost you to the correct expert in their chosen field.

1 Hardman Boulevard

Spinningfields

Manchester

M3 3AQ

 

charlotte@separationhelp.co.uk

Entrepreneurial Spark Logo powered by Natwest

We're so glad you found us. You'll find lots of free help and advice on dealing with separation in our guide.

©Copyright Separation Support Ltd/ Separation Help CIC UK - All Rights Reserved.

Terms & Conditions.  Cookie and Privacy Policies.