Separation Support Blog

Choosing to be happy

Charlotte Lingard - Wednesday, January 18, 2017

My family history


This is my background. I am the founder of Separation Help.  My name is Charlotte Lingard.


I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and a Mother aged 93, still kicking! My siblings and my mother are all far superior to me, according to them. “Char has no brain; she is thick”.

My family, except for my father, who sadly is no longer with us, have always been verbally abusive.  “Stupid is as stupid does.” Even today they retort constantly their belief to each other!



Thankfully, I left home at aged 11, (photo of Howell’s School, Denbigh). According to my family, Char and Winnie the Pooh, have a lot in common.

“The Bear of Very Little Brain”.



My family home


Woodside was the family home. The excessive competitiveness between my brothers and sisters regarding wealth and material possessions was a “rut.”  The only difference between a “rut” and a “grave” is the dimensions. We as a family (except my father) talked about money EVERY day, without stopping; money, money and then more money conversations.


“Don’t make money your goal.  Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you”  -  Mary Angelou.


Life is an illusion. I can recall vividly how my brothers and sisters made me feel that I am not worth much at all.  Cruel words eat away at your own self-belief and confidence.  One’s family view of you whether it be right or wrong, if heard repeatedly, brands itself onto your own self-belief of who you are. You become that person. Don’t let others determine your feelings or your future happiness.


Aristotle wrote, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence”.



Trust yourself, know yourself


 There is only one person you should never fool, and that is yourself.  Cruel words eat away at your own self-belief and confidence.  Relationships, of course, have ups and the occasional downs.  But you are in control of your own mind and it is your experience that translates everything which is within your own mind and thoughts.  Therefore, choose to be happy.



Divorced in 2011



If you live to be a 100,
I hope I live to
Be 100 minus 1 day
So I never have to
Live without you.

Winnie the Pooh



Life is far better now after divorce. At the time of separation, it was a roller coaster of emotions, positive and negative, akin to a “tsunami “of emotional turmoil.  

I never thought that I would ever get divorced or separated from my husband after 30 years of marriage.  I believed that marriage was for life, for better or for worse.  I hadn’t planned this life change. I chose happiness, for myself and for my children with self-awareness of my past and present circumstances which has achieved miraculous results and jubilation!



What I learnt during the last four years


Life is an illusion and your mind is reality.  Your thoughts and feelings create your own reality.
It is important to look backwards so you can understand with awareness how to live your life looking forward by understanding the past.  Some people in your life might distort the reality and  true facts to suit their own reality (needs).

When you face a humongous decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing.
The next best thing is the wrong thing.
The worst thing you can do is nothing!

Acknowledge your distress and your emotional turmoil.  Don’t blame yourself or others. Choose your new friends carefully based upon past experiences and re-invent yourself.

The positive of an emotionally abusive up-bringing for myself is;


Thank you to my bullying, aggressive siblings who have taught me that abusive behaviour is unacceptable.  I will push forward teaching others that learning from your past experiences can make you stronger.  The past doesn’t need to equal the future.  Understanding your past really helps if you choose to view the past and believe in your future with a positive outlook.

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